Since NaBloPoMo I have not blogged once…..not because I didn’t want too, my intention was to have a break after posting so much in November, but not a break for this long. It has been a week since my last post, but it feels like longer.
You see, so much has gone wrong already in December it is hard to comprehend that it is only actually the 8th today. It started badly, Paul’s car broke down. That was enough to tip me over the edge if I am honest, £700 before Christmas is never a good thing, my festive spirit has not been what is usually is this year anyways and that did not help.
This week started off better, well I thought it did, until Paul announced that 15 out of the 24 day drivers left at his depot are being made redundant. They will be given 30 days’ notice sometime between now and Christmas. To say this came as a shock is an understatement. Since we had Molly (3 years ago in January) we have been here 3 times. Paul has been lucky enough every time to keep his job. With such a massive percentage being made redundant this time we are unlikely to be so lucky again. We were not expecting this. The last round of redundancies happened only a couple of months ago, we have never assumed that Paul’s job was safe, but we never expected it to happen so soon. I am angry that any firm can do this to people at Christmas, but I know at the moment we are not the only ones, there are another 24 drivers that work with Paul going through the same and many, many more throughout the country.
This has led to a bit of a role reversal here, you see, I don’t do panic and upset, I just get on…..Paul is the worrier, he is the one that panics, I am usually the reasoner (yes I did just make that word up – but I am hoping you know what I mean). I am the calm one that makes a plan and sees a way forward. But this time, I have totally fallen to pieces. I have cried on and off since we found out, I can’t get my head around it all. It seems so unfair, he works so hard for us, and we are just getting ourselves back on our feet after having the babies, why now?? Why us?? So many things are running through my mind, how will we manage? How are we going to pay our bills if Paul doesn’t get another job? Paul on the other hand, has become this focussed driven person that is planning out his CV, looking at a lists of local companies, and generally planning how we are going to manage and how he is going to give himself the best chance of getting another job whilst I cry uncontrollably in the corner!! Is crazy really, I always think I am so strong and can deal with anything, but this has got to me!
Who knows what the next few weeks are going to bring for us here, with Christmas coming up I am trying desperately to keep my chin up and carry on. I know that things will be ok, no matter what happens, we will be ok, we have to be and you always find a way don’t you?
So that is December so far for me, not really what I was expecting, but what will be, will be! When we find out about Paul’s job we will deal with that then. For now, I am going to use my blog to get me in the festive mood, so my next few posts are going to be festive themed! I can rant and moan and cry as much as I like I guess, but it is not going to help Paul find a new job, or stay focussed! So onwards with Christmas – let the festivities begin!!