Well today was the day…..My little Prince went for his first trial session with the Childminder. I really didn’t think it would bother me too much, after all, it is the same Childminder that I have used for 2 years now with Molly and she is fantastic. Molly loves going and I was really confident that Alfie would do too!!
So with all my confidence in Alfie being absolutely fine, I never really prepared myself for the fact that I would not be!! I don’t know what happened to me, I got up with him this morning and I suddenly felt like the worst Mummy in the world, you would have thought I was about to hand him over to a total stranger, not the woman who has cared and looked after my little girl for the past 2 years! We got ready and I tried to reason with my emotions, telling myself that I knew he would be ok, but the closer it got to dropping him off, the more anxious I got!
We had chosen today as Molly was not going to be there, the Childminder was going to have Alfie on his own so she had time to get to know him without Molly there. This ment that the focus was on Alfie, and me and Molly got some girlie time together too!!
So we all got ready and headed off down the road. I was shaking as I was pushing the pram down the hill to drop him off, Molly had stayed with my neighbour for 10 minutes so I could get him dropped off without being distracted. By the time I got there I was struggling to hold back my tears, thankfully the Childminder noticed I was not dealing with the situation particularly well and we had a very swift hand over. So I said my goodbyes, gave my little man a kiss and headed back up the hill towards home. I must have looked like a right weirdo walking home, there I was gasping for breath in between the tears and pushing an empty pram – what a sight I must have been!!!
Managed to pull myself together, and got Molly to the play group we had planned to go to, this is one that I can’t manage with both of them, too much climbing equipment for my little Prince to attempt to break his leg/arm/neck on!! Although one of the other Mum’s did ask me “are you checking the time again” as I checked the time on my phone for what was about the 100th time, Molly and I did have a lovely time, and I think she quite liked having Mummy to herself for a little while!! 🙂
After playground I headed back down the hill to collect the Little Prince! I was so scared and worried, what if he didn’t like it? What if he thought I had left him? All these things were going through my mind. Of course when I got there, all I found was one very happy little Alfie playing with his new friend with a whole host of lovely toys!! I felt so silly, there I was worrying away like a crazy women and he of course was absolutely fine!!
I really didn’t think I would have reacted in this way today. I have full confidence that my Childminder is the best for my babies or Molly would not have stayed with her for the past two years. Perhaps it is because I know that Alfie is likely to be my last baby, it feels like this is the end of his time just with me at home!! Plus, I have not really left him with anyone before apart from my Mum. I remember being emotional leaving Molly for the first time and going back to work, but that was my first baby, I expected to be emotional. This time it came as a total surprise, yesterday I was fine about it, to be honest I was looking forward to having some time just me and my baby girl! But today was a totally different story, I don’t know where it all came from!!
I am hoping that between now and next Friday I can get over whatever emotional/hormonal silliness I seem to be suffering from and will be able to drop him off without having a total emotional break down!! 🙂